Dunno what to do( still can’t get over with it...)

I don’t know what should I do in my life....something pushes me and makes me hurry,I don’t know where to start...., I am still can’t get over with death of lilpeep,Chris Cornell is older than my age(and good looking)lilpeep is a lot younger than me....,guys like him never like me....but I am into his music and world too much,I draw him everyday, My friend said don’t do that too much,she believes he’s gonna pull off your legs and take me to “ that world”,but not “this world” we live in...,that’s why some die after his/her hero died....,is it bad that I have too many dreams?or Should I be more realistic?none of young guys like lilpeep fall in a love with me,I wish I were 17 when I was scouted in the street by a man with suit,I should’ve have been a singer or an actress,I have never thought about becoming a part of music industry,
until lilpeep died,and I think too late becoming famous,now I want fame and money,before I just wanna be rich, Still don’t know what I should do in my 40’s,still have no kids...,I think everything is too late now,you can’t live in another country,becoming famous,rich and a mother at the same time,oh and coke too,lol,i’ve been looking for my soulmate for over f@cking 20 years and more? he still never showed up...,why?lord....,I think he is not here,maybe in another country,I even thought my soul mate was already dead when I was younger...and I fall in a love with dead singer....,in witchcraft, you have to pay the price for what u wish so...u don’t wanna wish u wanna marry a celebrity,u get debt that u can’t pay for it,How much is the price ? It may worth ur soul,lilpeep sings he sold his soul for devil,ok for what? a fame? money? it couldn’t be love....but”if i’m dying,will you love me?”he put me on magic,I love him,and many people loves you,crybaby....,

where do I go? I even don’t know after I turned 45,if I were 25, I can still start my career,but i’m 45,yo, If I make my own site or upload YouTube and show u pix,will u be my fan and love me? gotta go......, 日本語です、(前回の訳は待ってください)私は自分が何したいかわからない、なにかが私の背中を押して、急がせるんだけど、何から始めていいのか？lilpeep の死から立ち直ってない、クリスコーネルは割と年上だったけど、イケメンだし、lilpeepはかなり歳下、lil peep みたいな若い子は私になんか振り向かない、 音楽と、彼の世界にハマりすぎ、ここんとこ、lilpeep毎日描いてる、友達は、ほどほどにねって、足引っ張られるよって、有名人の後追い自殺はそのせいか、 夢が多過ぎては、ダメ？もっと現実的になれって？lilpeepみたいな人が私を愛する訳無い、17歳の時、街でスカウトされた時に戻りたい、スカウトマンはスーツ姿だった、 その時、運が良けりゃ、歌手にでも女優にでもなれてたかも、今まで音楽関係に携わるなんて事、考えた事無い、lilpeepに出会うまでは、、、もう有名人になりたい なんて、遅すぎる、サブイ。もう全て手遅れ、他の国(アメリカ)に住んで、有名で金持ちになって、母親になってコカインを吸う？笑なんていっぺんにできる？もう20年以上、 運命の人を探してきたのにまだ見つからない、何故？神さま！彼はここじゃない、海外にいるんだ、ソウルメイトが死んだと、若い頃思った事もある、で、亡くなった歌手 と恋愛中、白魔術では、高望みすると、その分、自分にマイナスが返ってくるとの事、有名人と結婚したい？払えない借金を背負う事になるよ、どれだけ借金？ 魂を売ったりとか、、、lilpeepは、歌の中で、悪魔に魂売ったとか、マジで、何のために？名声？金？愛じゃないでしょう？でも、「もし、僕が死んだら、君は 僕を愛してくれる？」ドンピシャ。魔法にかかって、彼を愛す、たくさんの人がそうよ、クライベイビー、、、私はどこに向かってるの？ 自分でさえわからない、 45にもなって、25だったら、やり直せるのに、、、ウェブや、YouTube 作ったら、写真載せたら、ファンになって愛してくれる？

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